Friday, April 16, 2010

"Our Random Universe" by Lauren Burns - 'donor' conceived adult

Shared with Lauren Burns permission:

"Just wanted to report something very random that happened to me last month. I was out with my mum seeing at movie at a place called Cinema Nova in Carlton. The movie we wanted to see happened to be sold out, so we picked an alternative and sat down in the cafe near the box office to have a coffee.

While we waited, Ben (my biological father) came and sat down two tables away from us! It was all the more random because Ben doesn't even live in my home city of Melbourne, he just happened to be down there for an Obstetrics conference. My mum didn't believe me, but I went and said hello to him and mum came and sat down with us too. So I introduced them. Although I didn't say it out loud I was thinking, 'mother, meet father.' It was the first time my parents have ever met!!! Such a mind bending thought.

To be honest, although I hid my emotions behind light-hearted banter, my overwhelming feeling was awkwardness. On so many levels & for so many reasons, this scenario must have seemed surreal for everyone involved. It makes me realize just how bizarre & artificial donor conception truly is. Here I was, the child created by these two people that I had only moments earlier introduced. Had my mother and Ben divorced many years ago it might have been awkward and tense for all concerned. But, given the DC factor.... this was bizarre beyond the grasp of most mortals.

It also made me feel sad to witness the profound disconnection between my biological parents. If I was conceived from a brief relationship at least they might have danced together. I know some people will tell me that it is ridiculous to feel this way, and it shouldn't matter, but it does matter to me. Being conceived from two strangers feels like it erodes my sense of humanity.

I was glad that it was only 10 minutes before Ben's movie started. Poor mum, I think she was a bit spun out, but in retrospect it was probably a good introduction because A) she didn't have time to be nervous and B) it was a short meeting, so it didn't get too awkward.

Alternatively, if I hadn't already got in touch with and met Ben, there I would have been sitting, two tables away from my biological father, and not even known it. Just goes to prove that something wacky like this can happen. To all the other DC people on this forum, it shows that at some point in your life you could have been in the same room with your donor parent or close relatives.

I can't quite explain it, but I feel like this story illustrates some disturbing aspects of being donor conceived. There is a fundamental indignity of being in the same room as close biological relatives and not even knowing it. It is like being the main character from the movie The Truman Show and belonging to a world where truth has been disconnected from reality. Like Truman, our sense of reality is open to being manipulated by `higher powers' (e.g. parents, the fertility industry)."

1 comments:

Adoption Experience Workshop (visit their site)

I'm inspired by your tenacity in your search for a genuine sense of "humanity". You ARE as "real" as anyone and deserve to feel so! You have been cheated by others' refusal to take responsiblity to the humanity we all deserve- to understand and know ourselves as "offspring", in the literal sense, in and of the world!