Saturday, June 27, 2009

End of Anonymity: Is just knowing a name enough? (Re: Michael Jackson's children)

http://www.proudparenting.com/node/3250

End of Anonymity: Is just knowing a name enough? (Re: Michael Jackson's children)

I cannot believe that Michael Jackson is dead. I'm still in shock. While he was alive there has been little media coverage on his children. They were always covered by either masks or veils and the public was left to wonder, do they look like their father? Who is their mother?

My parents used an anonymous 'sperm donor' to conceive me back in the mid 1960's and I've been involved in advocating for the identity rights of those conceived from the same method of conception as myself for the past 5-6 years. I and others, want to see an end to anonymous 'sperm/egg donations/vending' and 'traditional surrogacy'.

Since Michael Jackson's passing, if you Google search "sperm donor" you will find numerous articles on the nature of his children's conception. Did Michael Jackson use a 'sperm donor' and/or 'egg donor' and/or 'surrogate' to bring his children into the world?

I haven't seen pictures of his children until just recently and I have to say, they don't look much like their dad. Regardless, Michael Jackson was their dad. No one is perfect and I haven't ever spoken with his children but I'd bet that they adored him regardless of their biological/non- biological relationship with him. No doubt, they are in profound mourning and will require years to come to full (if ever) acceptance of their loss.

I do wonder though if they feel as confused over their 'donor/surrogate' conception as I and many other 'donor' conceived feel? Do they wonder who their genetic father/ mother/ grandparents/ siblings/ cousins/ ancestry/ heritage are? Do they feel a loss?

Now that their dad is gone, will they feel more open to explore what their 'donor' conception/surrogac y means to them? Will it take having children of their own to fully explore their feelings and how it relates to their own children to search for more information?

I advocate for the end of anonymity in relation to 'sperm/egg' donation/vending and surrogacy, but I also do not think that just knowing a name is enough. I believe everyone does have a responsibility for their own sperm/egg when combined to create a new (out of the womb) life (including 'sperm/egg donors' and 'surrogates' ) that includes more than just identity disclosure â€" and nothing less than open doors and open hearts.

Michael Jackson's children are not abandoned by any means but are they genetic orphans? I hope not. No doubt, there are many people willing to be involved and supportive in their lives but is that enough? I hope and pray that their genetic father/mother/ grandparents and extended family have also kept their doors wide open to these children. Love might make a family but we can't just write off genetics and the importance of genetic/biological family. They all matter.

4 Responses to "End of Anonymity: Is just knowing a name enough? (Re: Michael Jackson's children)"

Joan M Wheeler born as ---------- Doris M Sippel (visit their site)

As far back as my own reunion with missing biological relatives in 1974, I have always supported truth over lies. No one should be allowed to sign a paper to "waiver" or "release" them as a responsible person in the creation of another human being --- especially their own child. I was 18 years old when the truth of my adoption came calling on the phone. The resulting turmoil was not a result of any wrong doing on my part, yet I was the target of hate from my so-called loving adoptive mother and other relatives for my sin of accepting a phone call from a sister I was never supposed to know. My adoptive father was remorseful. It is now over 35 years later. I still feel deeply for other adults or children who must bear the pain of decisions that their parents made over them.

Holding out as the main care-taking parent - as Michael Jackson did --- is cruel, selfish and unforgiveable. While he undoubtedly loved his children very dearly, his willful disregard of their feelings from being deprived of a mother and from the truth, is child abuse. The man is dead, and I have learned much about him and his own sufferings, in these weeks after his death. I feel sorry for him and what he had endured, but he was wrong to inflict donor anonymity and surrogacy on his children. If Blanket is truly alone, if the two older children have a genetic and gestational mother and Blanket may never know his, this is a tragedy beyond understanding.

Message to parents: Just because YOU want a child and YOU don't want the father or mother around, does not mean YOU have the right to withhold that parent or parents from the child you love.

I am only an adoptee. I cannot know the real pain donor-conceived persons feel, but I am on your side. Truth and honesty should be given to you.

Michael Jackson's children, if they are donor-conceived, will one day hate the way they came into the world. I already hate it for them.

By the way, I am a half-orphan. On-purpose genetic orphanhood is tragic. Shame on parents who inflict this on their children so that they can be parents. Unforgivable.

Anonymous (visit their site)

I wonder if the generosity of any donor/(vendor) extends beyond pleasure of the big O into other acts of giving. Are they in favour free healthcare because insurance is only affordable to some but not all? Do they feed the hungry? I have never understood the morality of pursuing the big O, getting paid for it and calling this a giving act.

surrogacy (visit their site)

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

Egg Donors (visit their site)

Great Post.....

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Thanks for sharing....